The World According to Humphrey

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Gay fish opens his trap, Justine gets political, Sheen is winning and we’re all losing.

Posted by humphreysworld on March 5, 2011

I’m not sure when the tables of reason turned to rely on the words of idiots for public discourse, but it’s happened. The evidence is everywhere! So where are we, the public, going to turn to for information? Books? I’m not sure if that’s going to happen. Based on the number of ding dongs I encounter on a daily basis, I would have to say book learnin’ is on the decline. Schools? Nah. Unfortunately they barely have the resources to teach as it is. And if have the countries’ school books are being supplied by Texas, history has been re-written so now the NRA is the greatest thing since sliced bread, brown people have made no contributions to this country and Darwin is a schmuck. Where people, where can we possibly turn to for news and opinions that matter? Why celebrities of course!

Please click to watch the video, you will laugh.

It seems like these days if you’ve managed to legitimize yourself as someone with ‘talent’, people will listen to whatever you say. So if they say Louboutin shoes are the shit, well, best believe poor or not, women will find a way to procure a pair of red bottom shoes. And if they peddle their cheaply made clothes sewn by an 11 year old in a store, flocks of the faithful who hang on their every word are going to wait in line for a chance to have one of the Olsen twins’ on their ass if they deem it so. They know it all, and aren’t afraid to tell you so. For example, did you know that everybody’s favorite gay fish (aka Kanye West) recently proclaimed that ‘gold diggin women are getting pregnant on purpose’? Don’t you feel more knowledgeable already? But wait! There’s more. According to GF, if you’re a ‘ballin nigga it can cost you up to $50,000 to have an abortion. Maybe 100. Strap up!’ Wow. I didn’t even know gay fish could do math.

The world is a fascinating place.

What’s even more fascinating about it is that A, he’s full of shit. B, he’s demeaning women by claiming that women get pregnant on purpose, and C he’s opened his fat mouth once again on shit he doesn’t know a thing about. I mean, duh, everyone knows gay fish can’t get women pregnant! And even so, he follows up that tweet with a statement that surely confirms he knows what he’s talking about- ‘it ain’t happen to me but I know people’. Uh huh. So do I. I know people who are fighting every day, sometimes putting their lives on the line, to provide services to women (even alleged gold diggers) so that they can make healthy choices about their bodies. These people are working to make sure women and girls are armed with the tools to make the best decision for their health, and that, if they are faced with a tough decision, these people make sure women have the right information to be able to make an informed decision. But since we hang on the word of celebs like GF, I’m sure there are some sitting around wondering if half of America’s ‘gold diggers’ are trying to get knocked up while the other half of us are trying to find a sucker who will give us $50k for the abortion we’re all dying to have.

But you should know ladies, if you do decide to get an abortion on your way to the gym, the Biebs does NOT approve. You see, Justine at the tender age of 16 knows a lot. He knows a lot about the Koreas (I’m not sure if Biebs knows which one is which, but whatever they are, it’s bad). And he also knows that you shouldn’t have sex until you’re really in love. Biebs want you to give your word to stop at third. He’s so wise! And this pop Messiah even went to so far to tell the world that he has an opinion on abortion. I mean, ‘it’s like, killing a baby? (his question mark, not mine)’. And in cases of rape Justine offers even more words of wisdom when he says, “Um. Well, I think that’s really sad, but everything happens for a reason.” He’s so right, rape does happen for a reason. It happens when men take something that doesn’t belong to them, but I’m sure that if the reason they did it is because were really horny it’s totally ok. I really am grateful that this little turd isn’t old enough to vote and when he does he will cast his vote in Canadia.

And finally, the pride of Martin Sheen’s eye, Charlie ‘Adonis DNA’ Sheen. I’m grateful I haven’t been reading up on anything this DB has been saying, even for this post. Unfortunately for me I didn’t have to, because this turds shit has been smeared everywhere. While he hasn’t said anything thought provoking in the media (although since he has tiger blood, I’m really hoping the enviros rally together to save him. He’s a dying breed!), his nut job antics have cost people their jobs. Let Sheeny tell it, he’s winning. Glad you are asshole, but what about the staff who are sitting in the unemployment line while you parade around town looking like the world’s biggest nutter? I don’t think they would call that a win.

Fact is, we are all losing. Because if this is who we go to shape our opinions, look up to, validate our opinions by we are fucked. It’s not really entertaining to watch someone unravel and take down others with him. Or at least it shouldn’t be. I’m not even sure why a magazine would ask a prepubescent boy what he thinks about politics and abortion, when he clearly knows nothing about one, and shouldn’t be weighing in on the other. As for Kanye, well, he just seems to keep talking and for some reason, it makes it beyond the confines of his home and out to the masses thanks to willing people who are duped into believing he has something relevant to say. Sigh.

The entertainment industry should be left to just that, entertainment. As individuals they are entitled to express opinions, but when we give those opinions value over education and reason, we’re in trouble. I’m not saying boycott GF or Justine, but don’t take their word as bond either. Find a mind of your own and use to it formulate your own opinions. And if you find that the Koreas are bad and gold diggers are getting pregnant on purpose, fine! At least you got there on your own as opposed to being led there by the top stories on TMZ.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I hear the Kardashians are making a shoe line for Sears and I want to be the first in line to get a pair. Taxi!


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