The World According to Humphrey

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2010 sucked! Here’s a recap (in case you missed it).

Posted by humphreysworld on December 31, 2010

At about this time last year, I was cursing 2009 and wishing it was over. Unfortunately my response to 2010 is no different- good riddance! What a year this has been. And even though I enjoy talking about myself I won’t bore you with a rewind of my life. Although if you’d like to know ask me for a beer and I’ll gladly spill my guts. No instead, I’m going to take a trip down jacked up memory lane at some of the weird, mondo bizarro and mildly entertaining things that happened this year. You may question the significance of some of this, but it’s my blog and I’ll write what the hell I like.

I have been living in the DMV area for 6.5 looong years. Yes, I am over it.

There's a car under there somewhere.

But nothing pushed me to my brink like the Jan/Feb 2010 snow storms. For those of you who live in Buffalo, NY or the artcic tundra, an event like this is nothing new for you. But for those of us who don’t, this was nothing short of, well, a snowpocalypse. Three blizzards back to back within two weeks of each other hit the entire mid-Atlantic area and dumped as much as 40 inches of snow in parts of the state. That’s a lot of damn snow. That’s almost the height of my whole body (I’m short, what do you want?). For a week the federal government was shut down and many of us couldn’t go anywhere. It sucked, to say the least. What a great way to start off the year! I’ve sold my soul to mother nature in exchange for a milder winter. I’m required to speak good tidings of her all year round. But if we get any more than 4 inches of snow all bets are off bitch!

Holy healthcare Batman!
As someone who spent 8 years of her life without insurance, and then continued to get f’d in the a after having insurance, this was a great day for me. Hell, it was a great day for many, despite tea bagger complaints. It wasn’t perfect, and it took A LOT longer than it should have, but I’ll be damned if Congress didn’t earn their pay for once and passed a significant piece of legislation. Let’s not kid ourselves folks, there’s still work to be done. The insurance industry is still ripping people and healthcare organizations off (insurance across the board needs reform but we won’t go there). But things will get a little easier for those who need it the most and it will save the country a bundle. Not to mention employers, who will not only benefit from tax breaks for providing insurance for their employees, but will also have healthier employees that can get their typhoid flu checked before spreading it to others- thereby keeping their workforce healthy and productive. I realize that there are a few of you who don’t believe this is true, but you can suck an egg because there’s nothing you can do about it.

BP, the King Douche of the World
I believe BP changed their name from British Petroleum to Beyond Petroleum sometime after one of their earlier oil spills. I can’t imagine what they would call themselves after this years’ catastrophic oil spill in the gulf. The gulf was STILL recovering from Hurricane Katrina and then wham! An oil rig explodes in the gulf, killing 13 people and spewing more than 205 million (no need to adjust your glasses, you read that right) gallons of oil into the gulf over the course of 4 months. Images of oil-soaked wildlife, oil slicks everywhere and gooey, disgusting globs shooting out of a broken pipe and washing up on pristine beaches covered our t.v. screens and newspapers for months. Of course, none of the players involved-BP, Halliburton or Transocean would take the blame for the spill, instead they pointed fingers at each other and kept putting that British piece of shit Tony Hayworth on the camera to claim he was sorry. He really looked it. Months later shrimpers were still picking up tar balls in their nets and some areas that were opened up were once again closed to shrimping. If BP is anything like Exxon, and I feel so certain they are if not worse, people who haven’t been paid adequately for their claims never will be. Because congressmen like TX rep. Joe “shakedown” Barton and others whose pockets are greasy with oil payoffs will always turn a blind eye when it comes to regulating the oil industry. Shrimp cocktail anyone? Better get ’em before they’re gone. Literally.

Thar she blows!
I wonder if anyone uses the term ‘thar’ besides pirates… At any rate, the

photo courtesy of the Christian Science Monitor

Icelandic version of mother nature, Dagbjart (I just made that up), got pissed off and blew her top. Literally. Eyjafjallajökull (how the hell do you pronounce that, anyway?) shot her wad and as a result the airline industry was brought to a stand still. The closures of the airports caused people in Europe and across the world to be stuck like chuck. A beautiful marvel, but what a pain in the ass. And her volcanic twin, Mt. fingerbergerberger (I made that up as well) was threatening to blow her top as well, which would have been a real pain in the arse. Thankfully she didn’t and after a month the industry got back on track and air travel resumed.

Assange, 1.0
Transparency has never been the government’s strong suit. Who really killed JFK, where the hell is Jimmy Hoffa, what are underpants knomes, these are just some of the few things we’ve all wanted to know but have not been privy to thanks to a lot of government hokus pokus. Well in July Julian Assange decided he had enough of the government cover up job on the Afghan war and released more than 90,000 cables of classified information on our dirty deeds in the act of war. Oops. How he got a hold of that information? Well, he’s a damn fine hacker apparently. And he had a little help from Bradley Manning, an army soldier who accessed information somehow and shared it wikileaks. His ass is in the clink awaiting trial and Julian was just released on bail on different charges (in Assange 2.0, he releases a bunch of cables of us trash talking other countries and countries doing the same about us and each other. Oh, and he’s also been charged with taking the flowers of two Swedish women without their permission. Kinda makes his martyr act go out the window). Something tells me wikileaks and Assange are here to stay, and the world better hold on to it’s hats cuz our dirty laundry is going to keep getting out there.

Miner 69’er (get your minds out of the gutter!)

Photo courtesy of the Telegraph

These stories always end in tragedy but this one had a happy ending. Over the years when mines of various types have collapsed, few people if any manage to come out alive. Damn if these mofo’s not only stayed under ground for 69 days, they ALL made it. The Chilean mine collapse caught all of our attention, and for 69 days we watched as they sent notes to their loved ones, heard tales of their daily routine and proposed marriage- all from 3 miles underground. Kind of amazing. There was an Elvis fan down there, and one of them ran in the NY marathon after he was rescued. More than a billion people watched their rescue as it happened (I was not one of them) and the hottest costume this halloween (besides bed intruder) was a Chilean Miner. A little disturbing but all in good fun. I was Eve of Adam and Eve fame, who am I to judge?

I’m not a witch, I’m an idiot.
Wow. When Sarah Palin was chosen to be McCain’s VP, I said, thank you God. Not that I didn’t know that the election was a wrap by that point, but that ding dong sealed the deal. Fast forward to two years later and the only thing that maybe saved the Senate from flipping GOP was Christine O’Donnell, running for Senate for DE. Where do I start?? Should I start with the fact that she was using campaign funds to pay her bills? Nah, that’s too easy. How about the fact that she didn’t know ANY of the constitution? Funny yes, but not really surprising. They don’t really value all that fancy book learnin. No, I think I would have to pick on her infamous campaign ad, the one where she assured us she wasn’t a witch. Of the pointy had and green faced variety that is. You see, genius here at some point let it slip that when she was younger, she dabbled in wicca. And it was all downhill from there. Downhill for her and a save for Delaware, because if she had won we would have asked you to secede, effective immediately. And while not knowing the constitution was bad enough (as a tea bagger she didn’t even know the 16th amendment. You know, the one having to do with TAXES??), it was this ad that truly sealed her fate. Please, click, and enjoy. I know I did.

Wikileaks 2.0
Yeah, we got served. Again.

Total eclipse of the moon
I know you broke out into Bonnie Tyler just then, and if you didn’t then you

This is not an actual photo of an eclipse, just an eclipse of the heart.

aren’t old enough to read this blog and should go to bed! If I had paid enough attention, I would have known that this particular event hadn’t taken place in more than 400 years. But they always say that so I didn’t set my alarm to catch the first total lunar eclipse to occur on a winter solstice since 1638. Way to go Humphrey! You’ve seen one eclipse you’ve seen them all, but it was still cool.

Damn what a year! And I didn’t even get into my disastrous love life! I’ll just sweep that under the rug with everything else that wasn’t covered in this blog. I hope your 2010 was a good one and if it wasn’t, do like I do tomorrow: polish off a bottle of wine and kick 2010’s ass out of your life and welcome in 2011!

Have a safe and prosperous one!


2 Responses to “2010 sucked! Here’s a recap (in case you missed it).”

  1. Reginald said

    Love the recap, that sums it up very well, I really feel you on Snowpocalypes! Ha! Wasn’t that unbelievable? But the many snowball battles, helped relieve a great deal of tension.

  2. yeah, except those of us living in the burbs near above ground metro stations had to watch the festivities from tv! Man that was so lame, lol.

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