The World According to Humphrey

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Dad busts a virtual cap, a bad acid trip, and other weird sh*t.

Posted by humphreysworld on September 18, 2010

I love weeks like this. For people who revel in the art of talking shit, it’s weeks like this that make it all worth while. At first I had a hard time deciding on what topic I should blog about and then I thought- why not make it a schmorgesborg of stupid people and random things? So here it goes.

Who saw this one coming or, Hey pretty girl want to drink this- and then blame it on a black woman?

Kids, don't try this at home.

photo courtesty of http://bit.ly/bLdGDK

I’m sure you saw the story about a woman in WA who said she was viciously attacked by a black woman who threw acid in her face. It was a heartening story, and by the glory of God the only thing that saved her from sudden blindness was the fact that she was wearing a pair of glasses that she just purchased for herself. Well, turns out, she was full of shit. That’s right ladies and gents, the bitch doused herself with acid. ACID. You know, the shit that burns. When you look at the aftermath, it makes sense. It looks as though she dunked her face into a big bowl of it and took a dive before crying black sheep. Who does this? I mean, if you want to call attention to yourself, why not take a shank and slice your tummy? There’s no major damage, and you can eat whatever you want after you have stitches. Or maybe, cut your hair and say someone saw your luscious locks and had to have them. But acid? They should have known she was telling a tall tale when she blamed a black woman. She’s not the first white person to blame a black person for doing some shit, but we don’t do acid. A baseball bat, maybe. A fist to the gut? Fo sho. But acid? It’s not our thing.

Daddy puts the smack down on bebe’s kids.
Ok, I gotta say I am not mad at this dude. There are some bad-ass bebe’s kids running around, and more often than not the parents don’t do anything to curb their behavior. And to get serious for a minute, bullying is a big problem. It’s caused a lot of issues for young people and in some cases suicide. So I feel my man when he’s said enough is enough and took to the little brats harassing his daughter. Dad of the year walked on the school bus and put these little turds on notice! Stop fucking with my daughter. In fact, my man threaten to fuck up the driver of the bus and then fuck up the other kids on the bus. He looks relatively stable so I’m going to assume when he used the term ‘fuck up’ (his words not mine, even though I am quit capable of using he F bomb), he means open a can of diet whip ass. I guess the dude got a little jail time for his outburst, and the little bully who threw condoms on the little girl was ‘scared’ of dad.  I guess he got what he went on the bus to do.

Three times a charm.

Courtesy of awesome blog I found.

You know how they say when people are on meth or other drugs they have super-human strength? I believe that when you are drunk you turn up the dial on your cognizant awareness. There have been a couple of times when I have been 3 sheets to the wind and walked without any assistance to my destination. I may have passed out once I got there, but I got there. And this guy really proves my point.

So Billy0Jo bob was driving home intoxicated when he crashed his car into a utility pole. No surprise right? That’s what happens when you drink and drive (duh). But he still hadn’t gotten to his destination (the morgue perhaps?), so he went home- YES HOME- got his wife’s car to continue onto said destination and crashed her car into a guardrail. Well now what? Here’s where the reasoning really kicks it up a notch. He went BACK home, grabbed his tow truck and attempted to tow the cars he crashed. You and I may have just popped open another beer, stuck our hands down our pants and called it a night. Not this guy. Hmm. FYI, if you get a flat in Blaine, Wash, don’t call this guy to tow your car. He’s probably drunk.

Dorothy, I don’t think we’re in Kansas anymore.

Mother Nature has been a real bitch this summer. I personally lived in a Hilton for 2 days this summer because of a freak tornado that hit my area. That was the first of 4 or 5 rough storms that tore through the DMV area, wreaking havoc in its path. Needless to say, summer was not kind. But then it got beautiful, birds were chirping, adults were skipping down the street (well maybe that was just me) and water bills went down due to the decreased instances of two-shower days. But then out of no where, New York was hit last night with not one, but TWO tornadoes. New York. Tornado. This kind of story is typically reserved for a crappy C movie on th syfy channel. But unfortunately it’s true. Climate change anyone?

I don’t know about you, but I’d like to restore a little sanity in this world. Of course, what would I write about?

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2 Responses to “Dad busts a virtual cap, a bad acid trip, and other weird sh*t.”

  1. Patrice Celeste said

    LOVED IT!

    How else would I learn about these crazy going ons if I did not read your blog. You are good and funny as hedoublel!

    Keep doing what your doing, I loved it!

  2. tee hee, glad you enjoyed it!

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